rEvelaTiOns oF an uNruLy pSychOpaTh-2( thE retrOspecTioN)

Aaah...how long I've been waiting for her? Shall i wait? Or , shall i go? It's all coz my fault..i shld suffer this...weneva I do weep ..I do cry....it'll all b , coz of my own follies...
So i jez can't blame neone for it, rite...so i'll keep weepin' without ne complaints...i closed my eyes in pain....

Quite unknowingly, i fell into the deep eternal trenches of thots....trenches wid unknown depths.....
It is my fate...i shld try to balance my self wid reality...i opened my eyes ....Ohhh damn briteness of the monitor....it was nearly 2.30 am....ohhh!!!!

Lord of crapes!!! help me out ...Rescue me....

Tears....aaahha....Am i crying?? ma goddd...tears again..I tried to wipe them away...bt still it's coming'...hmmm...

But ...but..it was something more thicker than tears....i got up and washed my face and looked into the mirror... into the mirror inside my soul....It was blood ....nd no tear at all ...blood was flushing out...soon i lost my sight.....fell onto the bed...i was pushed my someone else....dunno....dunno...was it her....?

Who was she ? For me, she was ....was a frnd, a true frnd...who discovered me...yeah...a sister ,yeah of course,...a lover ...hmmmm,....like a mother....hmmmm,...like ,like ...a teacher....yeah sometimes ....like some one ..some one else i always wanted to be with....like ...u kno , i wanted to b possessed to...yeah!!!

But who am I ? yeah...jez a frnd of her...yeah!!! jez a frnd ....or infact - a good frnd- ...she used to say so...bt again I was committing mistakes ...i shldnt have done that...shld i?

Why did i do that ? She was so good...a melancholic...dat's y i liked her a lott...she too used to weep over her fate.... but she was ambitious too not willn' to surrender..yet...she used to say ..'Iam a failure'...I used to consolate...Wat else I could do? Bt she was so good at heart....dat's y ...dat's y i admired her....I always enjoyed watching her playing in the rain like an innocent little child....I used to watch it secretly thru ma window...window inside ma shadow....I wanted her to be the strings of my guitar.....

She used to say ...'u kno one day, i ll marry a handsome prince,...cute nd brave....'
I used to sigh...didn't say a word How could I ?...y shld i love her ? i jez wanted her to b happy and wanted her to b free...yeah..wat else!!!
But u kno....i had no other choice...i could nt resist..i told her everythin'....everythin' wat i felt....

She said...'Well i think..it was jez an infatuation'...wat is dat ??? I looked into the dictionary and found the meaning of that word ...ohhh!!! was it dat?But it sn't dat...no it is nt.....

And she told me that hers' is a different path....well i don't have ne specific path...can i ask her, shall i too travel in ur path...if u don't mind...will u lead me ? i was always crazy like dat...

She didn't reply....ahhh she said - i dunno-....she was always like dat ...mysterious...

Weneva i looked at her eyes....i felt as if she were looking at me....weneva i smelled her exotic hair..i couldn't feel nething...bt i felt she was smelling my hair...my heart...my loneliness...she was very sensitve yet sensible...i too was ...bt ...nhhoo sensible like her....

I always stood in front of her...as a hindrance...to obscure her path...bt she didn't even notice me ....she travelled in her own path...didn't even think abt me...always....she was avoidin' me....

My heart and soul was longing...was bleeding for her love....my foolisheness was tearing her apart...away and away...her thotless words at last broke my faint heart....I ran away from emotions ...my desires...nd frm my philosophies, which i supppoesd to b true and i was dropped down was to a deserted and thorny path....where i weeped in solitude...

Wat was it that took u away frm me? Or y u wished to be so? Didn't you use to say...i miss u...did it really meant- i want to miss u...and i will miss u- ...then y didn't u say it then?

Frnd...do i have a second choice? tell me ... shld i expect to hear that fragile voice again?....that trembles my heart....dat ..dat fill my eyes wid
tears again....the moon is now hinderd by those dark clouds...it is all darkness...around me....shuld i expect the light of ur smile to guide me ?


I was loosing my weight....someone is gliding me....my god ...is it u? my only one frnd...at last u found me....

No!!!...No!!!!....it s not u.....is someone else...i have nt seen her bfore....who are u?

' I am an angel...nd i am taking u to a place where there is only one love...a love which won't set lovers apart...a love which sense ur souls...a love dat is misty...gracing and....eternal....'

I again looked into the mirror...but I couldn't see nething on it....